"You could say something like, 'It seems like weve been texting a lot lately, and I just want to check in with you,'" Dr. Solomon suggests. You can typically gauge whether your ex is fishing for some clarity or testing the boundaries of your new status as exes by the content of their message. She wants to see how you are to see how youre doing for emotional validation; She tries to massage your ego (I love you, you are so special to me, I miss you); She keeps the conversation focused on you and gives away little information about herself; She tells you about how she is feeling (so you understand you arent hurting alone); She is not interested in getting back together with you; She wants you to reinforce how desirable she is / how great a partner she was OR; She wants to confirm how she made the right choice to leave you; Where shes looking for validation or scoping you out to get back together; Ignore her text and then block her so you dont have to make this decision in the future. They think if they can get you to feel your emotions about the breakup and reminisce on your good memories together, youll conclude that your relationship deserves another shot. If the answer is a resounding hell no then dont give her the money. Whatever it may be, an ex who is testing the waters will find the tiniest reasons to show up where you are. They respect your space so they dont want to reach out to you directly. My ex-girlfriend sent me a cute text message. So how can you tell if shes asking how are you? because she cares? Whether you engage with your ex and how invested you seem in the conversation tells him or her all they need to know about whether youre still into them or not. Why Is My Ex Texting Me? Here's What It Means & What To Do - Elite Daily ATTRACT BACK A FEARFUL AVOIDANT, ANXIOUS, DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT EX. Its also possible things are going sidewise with her current guy. The relationship ended on good terms. Do they want you back? You ask her to go on a date with you. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Or, they could be trying to start a chat with you. Fourth, your ex might get angry or violent when you try to talk to them. They might straight up ask you how you feel about the breakup and whether or not you still think theres a chance it could work out. March 29, 2021 by Zan. Ultimately, its a really low risk way for her to get what she wants, and she knows that. When someone is in need of help, I can't turn my back on them . They ask for your help. When your ex finds random excuses to contact you and message you, it's definite that your ex misses you. You do you, but remember, the more time you spend texting your ex, the less time you have to text someone new. Cry over how much you miss her / how much you love her? While its impossible to be 100% sure, pay attention if: So how can you tell the difference between a woman who cares but has no intention of getting back together with you from one who cares and wants to get back together with you? You should only consider giving your ex-girlfriend relationship advice if: If neither of these apply, resist the urge to give her relationship advice if she asks for it. The process of getting back together with her requires a lot of emotional control that is difficult if you dont have anything else going in your life. What You Should Do If Your Ex Came Back After Months Of No Contact? Even if you arent, its likely that you still have some type of relationship with her whether its a friendship, respect, or even love for. Its very possible that theyre only asking about you because they want to know how youre doing. Have you ever had to deal with an ex reaching out? "Keeping a text thread going is a way of avoiding the grief that comes when we really accept that a relationship is over," Dr. Solomon says. You might feel pressured to respond because this is a person you used to care about. She still cares about you and wants to make sure you are okay; Shes checking on you to see if you are still single; Shes asking how you are to start a conversation about, She wants to see how you are doing to check if youre single because. They might begin to act jealous when you talk to other people. If they ended it then they are either manipu. Whether youre the dumper or the dumpee can also factor into the meaning of the text. If you two can work on being more mature about the relationship, Im sure it will go much better for both of us in terms of arguments! How did you handle it? Winning your ex-girlfriend back is as much about what you do, as what you don't do. Do you really want to damage that love over some money? Its incredibly confusing to have her reach out and ask how youre doing as if she has no clue that youre hurting, guilty, lonely, angry, sad, and so on. I sure as hell dont, and I dont think you want to either. They also do this to stay in the back of your mind. First, dont bring up the past. They miss you and want you back, so they spell it out clearly. I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. Your ex is trying to show you theyve changed hoping youll come back to them. He lied to me about moving on and hooking up with a new girl. There are many reasons why someone would contact their ex. Your Ex Wants You Back Sign #1: He Asks if You're Seeing Anyone. Are they just being friendly? Red flags get ignored because of the intense attraction and overabundance of the so-called love hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine. Weve all been there. But heres the hard lesson: there are people (men and women both) who will continue to take, and take some more from you until you put up the hard boundary that says I respect myself, and I will not continue to be taken advantage of. Dr. Solomon recognizes that approaching this convo is easier said than done, but its still worth the effort. Its also possible that you still stand above them in the specific area where she needs a favor from you. See additional information. The truth is, theres no right answer to this question. Is it a sign that my ex still loves me if he keeps calling me? And now youre somehow supposed to navigate this new normal of drawing the line with someone whos wrapped up in a confusing bundle of hurt, anger, disappointment, guilt, and regret. You might be glad that the person is trying to reconnect or you may feel annoyed because now your life is more complicated than it needed to be. Hey, I appreciate that you want to check on me, but I am trying to move on with my life right now. Going through your friends can be a sign of cowardice or poor intentions. She admitted she had been leading me on and didnt want to lose me. While Im not here to diagnose the woman asking you for a favor you should take a long, hard look in the mirror. Is it fair to ask an ex if she's been with anyone if you're - Reddit If you want to get her back, these are all bad. Is it because you have trouble saying no? If she dumped you, you dont owe her a response in any way. Some exes are controlling even after breakups and want to know exactly what youve been up to in order to keep tabs on you. Is her request for help outside your ability to reasonably provide? If she gets mad at you, realize that its likely that shes pissed that shes not getting what she wants, and not a reflection on you being a shitty person. Howre things with you?. He wants to know if you're seeing anyone. Dont be surprised if they do things to get under your skin purposely. "If you're the one who broke up with your ex, they might be heartbroken still and miss you," Gandhi tells Elite Daily. Once the new guy starts doing more things wrong than he does right, and you start to compare more favorably to him, then the fireworks happen in your DMs. If you ended it then undoubtedly your ex is not ready to accept its over. Alice Kelly is a writer with a passion for lifestyle, entertainment, and trending topics. Its also possible that the guy she initially left you for is finally showing his true colors. It feels like every day Ill get an email saying something like Jack, my ex-girlfriend is asking me for money or Jack, my ex-girlfriend wants to borrow money what should I do?. Avoid them. Validation has become somewhat of a catch-all term used to mean all sorts of different things. Why does my borderline ex still ask about me? - Quora Once the trust is build and for lack of a better term she lets you in so to speak, youre in. If you notice she keeps popping up, and then disappearing chances are that you are the problem and not her. It doesn't always mean that they are in need or are taking advantage of you. Winning your ex-girlfriend back is as much about what you do, as what you don't do. No one wants to feel like someone is better off without. Confusion is the last thing you need when you're trying to heal from a past relationship, and you both deserve to know where you stand with each other. Perhaps you broke up over trivial matters, but your relationship was otherwise strong. Make Her Earn It! Dont be boring. I worked with a client in the past whos ex-girlfriend would ask to come by to do her laundry and they would end up having sex. Its a surefire way to determine whether you still have feelings for them. Shes asking because she is either still curious about you, or because she is at least thinking about coming back into your life. People only act in accordance with their own self-interest. Not just because its no good for you (because it isnt, and Im sure you know why) but because the advice you give her is likely to be jaded and tinged. She had been seeing him the entire time we had been talking. If you indicate that you have moved on, your ex can simply brush off the questions as light-hearted joking. Lets find out. 13 Signs Your Separated Husband Wants You Back & Still Loves You, How Long Should I Wait For Him To Commit To A Relationship? Suggest it casually, as if its not a big deal to you. That doesnt mean she will leave him immediately, though. They ask how you're doing. Why would he do this? Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, adds that a text from an ex could mean a variety of different things. In other words, a u up? text will mean something different than a hey! Directionless, ambiguous texts blur the lines of your post-breakup relationship and, at the end of the day, are pretty much meaningless. This includes text messages, phone calls, and social media. This is one of the most common and painful indicators that your ex is testing you. This will only make your ex jealous and could make them want to get back together with you out of spite. Are you really at the point where you can objectively help her? Its not that theyre trying to make conversation with you. Doing so while trying to be selfless around the person who your grief is wrapped up in is even harder. Favors on the other hand are in the same vein, but slightly different. Your ex knows you well which means they know what will trigger you. What does it say about you as a self-respecting man if you continue to bend over backwards for her or even worse, violate your own standards of conduct just to please her? Shell immediately know what youre doing and most likely decline. 4. Because the age old social contract is true asking for a favor can be a weak position to be in, one that implies a debt of gratitude towards you, and the awareness that the favor should be given in kind. Lets take a look at each of the 5 reasons and how you can determine which is motivating her. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. I'm Coach Jack, the owner and founder of Men's Breakup. You should always assume that her reason for asking how you are is innocent because most women, especially women that care about you dont want to hurt your feelings. This is where it becomes a judgment call. Is Your Ex Pretending To Be Over You? 12 Signs + What To Do - mindbodygreen Its impossible to know what theyre thinking or feeling without asking them directly. By following the advice, weve outlinedhow to respond to an ex asking how you are? Key points A survey showed that close to half of college students report having contact with an ex. Respond to her how are you text with something witty designed to make her smile. Youre putting yourself first now, right? LATE ENGR. RAYMOND ANTHONY ALEOGHO DOKPESI - Facebook However, if your former flame was the one who ended things with you, their intent might be more casual. They want to know what you've been up to, if you're single, if you're happy, and if you've been asking about them as well. How would I feel if the roles were reversed and my ex didnt reply to me? Does that mean she still likes me and wants to get back together with me? She might use the favor as a way to stay connected to you, to test the waters and gauge your interest in her, or to create a sense of indebtedness that could be leveraged in the future to reach out and make amends. RELATED:5 Ways To Deal When Your Friends Still Talk To Your Ex. Attempts to rub a new or potentially new relationship in your face. Signs they want to be friends include asking your friends to invite you to group events so they can see you. It might make you emotional and upset, or it may just surprise you. FRIENDS WITH AN EX/FRIENDSHIP. According to Gandhi, they might be bored, miss you, or simply "feel guilty for breaking up with you. Were all only human. One of the most confusing moments in any relationship is when she says she needs space, especially when you don't feel the same way. First, they might stop all communication with you. They want to know how youre doing, if youre thriving post-breakup, or if maybe part of you misses them, too. If your ex asks about how your dating life is going, for example, they are trying to figure out if youve moved on without directly asking you that. Your choice. (Weve all been there.) Click here to learn more about us. This is common in the first ~6 months after you guys break up. Pretend to be okay with the breakup, even though it still hurt? More on that in just a second. LATE ENGR. The last time she reached out to ask how you are, how did you respond? This is a clear sign that theyre interested in getting back together with you. You broke up with your partner, but they wont leave you alone. Test #1: The Jealousy Test I know I've already alluded to this aspect of a test in my explanation of the reasons behind why exes would give you tests but it's honestly the most common (and easy to spot) so I'll repeat myself. The truth is I care for the people in my life. If you have a strong masculine center and know that the conversation wont push you off-center, setting a healthy boundary is a great exercise in putting yourself first. Start building a life that you love living first. One of the best ways of telling how soon she may be planning a move are any questions about your dating life. You start to think, Is my ex testing me by ignoring me? Chances are, theyre ignoring you because they know itll get you worked up. 21 Sureshot Signs Your Ex Wants You Back | PINKVILLA You dont need to give a play-by-play of your life since youve seen each other last. Customer Support Frequently Asked Questions | FedEx I help over 1 million men a year build long-term, masculine happiness after being dumped. Tell her Hey [insert name] I dont feel comfortable helping you with this and leave it at that. 13 Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him, 109 Best Appreciation Messages To Show Gratitude, The Ultimate Love List: 365 Reasons Why I Love You, 11 Effective Exercises For Letting Go Of Resentment, Letter to Your Daughter: 13 Heartfelt Sentiments to Consider, 13 Best Ways To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child, 147 Powerful Morning Affirmations To Start Your Day. Is she serious? Put yourself and your healing first. I'm Coach Jack, the owner and founder of Men's Breakup. Boring is the kiss of death. Dont use it as an excuse to start talking with her. Maybe you broke up with your ex because they werent meeting your needs. Otherwise, its incredibly easy to get swept off-center with her and end up ruining things because you are either too needy or too aggressive in your pursuit of her. Why Is My Ex Calling Me All of a Sudden? What should you do? This is an important article for you to read multiple times because the how are you doing text is usually one of the first messages you will get after the breakup happens and its almost always when you are at a weak point. Getting a text from your ex is always going to throw you off a little bit. 30 mins read Why Does My Ex Want to Hang Out? Your ex might start doing things that you like. A few signs can indicate whether or not your ex is truly done with you. Stocksy / Jovo Jovanovic. By the end of this article, Im going to show you why each of these is a mistake. Is your ex sending you mixed messages? 4, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Would you ever ask her for money? Theyll ask you hypotheticals such as Do you think we would have broken up if? or How do you think things would have turned out if? Your ex wants to get you talking so they can gauge your response to determine whether your relationship still stands a chance. You might say no, but science says yes. Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Asking Me Questions? - Connection CoPilot Unless your exs text has a clear, direct question (or an invite to meet up and talk things over), theres a good chance that its a case of breadcrumbing. Read More: Does She Want Your Attention? Answer (1 of 16): I feel competed to answer because I'm intrigued why you would ask such a question? The world of dating can be tough to navigate, and breakups are even harder especially if you're trying to move on from a past relationship. Some signs that show your ex misses you include: Your ex wants to know what's going on with your life. One of the most frequent questions I get from clients in my email coaching program is: Why is my ex asking how Im doing when she literally just dumped me?