Hes friendly and wants to keep me around, but doesnt want to date (me or anyone). They can get all the befits without the commitment and the responsibility, while they make up their mind or can't find anything better. Hi Lisa, so to do that you need to flirt more, and more so that you are drawing him in slowly. When he disappears, its usually because he has met someone else or is dating other people. So lets switch gears here and talk a little bit about what causes them to want to hang out with you. We were together for 7 and a half years and have a 3 year old. Hi. They want to make sure that they, they did not make a mistake. When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. Im so confused. Now, I spent some time actually game planning what I was going to say when I came to this section of this information. Yet he will want to hang out with me as friends, and tells everyone that we are friends. I have been there for him through good and bad and never gave up on us but him on the other hand always found a reason to make you feel low about yourself. The dumper shouldn't care if the dumpee moves on, or not. Tricked once: shame on him. I've never had a problem being friends with the people from my past unless they couldn't hack it and wanted to keep a distance. Now, ask yourself this question does this sound like the behavior of someone who truly wants to be your friend? That he hopes we can still be friends. Another reason why you shouldnt agree to be friends with him after he dumps you is because that is not a smart way to win him back if you dont want to give up on the relationship. The reasons why he wants to be friends after dumping you are to soften the blow of ending the relationship, finding comfort knowing youre still in his life when he experiences uncomfortable feelings and to keep you as an option. Required fields are marked *. If your ex reaching out seems like a blessing in disguise, you might still have feelings for them. Though there have been moments where he has tried to invite me over to his family house, but tells me to pretend like everything is cool with him (as if we are still together) . Um this whole year has been filled with weird signals. He keeps wanting to meet. Maybe someday, he can be the man I deserve". Short or long term, we have helped each other out in some way or another even after the relationship was over. You just equal out and life has a way of evening out everything. Additionally, he knows that hell miss you. I dont want to feel how i did when he didnt return my call.. He knows i cant be friends as its too hard for me but still sends me text messages and if i dont reply i get "hello are you alive?". Oftentimes, whats interesting is and this is mostly women listening to this podcast, but a big aspect of the dating area for men specifically is the pickup artist niche. 11 Simple Ways to Respond when an Ex Reaches Out - wikiHow He feels bad about hurting you and assumes that friendship will make you feel better and make him feel less guilty. Now, if you tell that type of a thing to your ex, its going to do a couple of things. Living with ex (he dumped me) and he still wants to hang out But always, he will come to me again, first with a text "hey do you want to have dinner together", then when I'm watching TV he will come in, hey do you want to watch something together, then hey do you want to have sex. Is the feeling you have because he has met someone else? And not as a friend. I dont think thats the right way to reconnect after 4 months and told him so. So what happens with these types of people is theyre friend zoning you. Why does he want to hang out if he had a new girlfriend? Should You Text A Girl Who Rejected You? Weve seen this happen a lot before the actual meetup. Hi, my ex boyfriend and I were together for years and I was the one who called it off about two years ago but we were still in each others lives seeing each like a couple. Having one person hang around in hopes to Christ you come around wtf? So I got into cycling and started really getting into it and trying to understand like, Okay, what are the best bicycles? (assuming they would take me back of course). Honestly looking back it was embarrassing what I put up with. But, if he genuinely cares about you, youll sense the sincerity in his desire to be friends. Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. 1) You might have had a messy breakup, and now he just wants to keep the peace. He dumped me but still wants me to be miserable? : dating - Reddit they have my number - they know how to find me. Other than that, a no contact rule has to be finished and completed in order for you to consider hanging out with them. That feeling of power is intoxicating. So heres my approach. The ones I have dumped and I've wanted to stay friends with I would still go back to them if the things that had made me dump them changed. And whats the best way to train?. 7zero7, I had a similar gaming boyfriend issue. Your email address will not be published. Confused here. c) Feel completely full and content within your own life, with or without a relationship with a man. However, please do not agree to be friends with him if you are still in love. 199 likes, 56 comments - Botox Not Babies (@botoxnotbabies) on Instagram: "Important topic- I would love your feedback on this! And this feeling, if you can imagine it, provides the full explanation for why people act inconsistent. I never felt uncomfortable or like I wasn't understood as a human being or respected in a kind and good way. I had no idea cause i did block him so he called from another number.. In some situations, he wants to be friends after dumping you out of guilt. And its really cool because you could see other peoples paces. Being a friends im cool with it. Nothing weird ever went on and it was cool. Its an easy way to find comfort and move on whenever the fears and anxiety hits. And you say no to giving him money! He doesnt want to be with you anymore and decides to end the relationship. Is it more than a selfish move to make the breakup easier on the dumper? Just wait 10 or 20 years, none of the ''dumpee''/''dumper'' thing matters anymore. I have told I am serious if we did get back and I just want to look forward to the future with him but this recent women is in the way for now so what do I do. It will drive you crazy and the entire experience will leave you with a ton of scars and suffering. They made their choice. So I sustained an injury in my foot and I needed something low impact to do. I dont know if its bad but I rarely reach out to him which make him the first one to initiate a conversation. Pressure is the reason for the break up so how do I balance that with nudging him towards being more than friends? But i told him id let him know when i was free! mine was 5 years so and love her deeply but I have to be strong im not lying down to be walked over anymore it kills lets be friends my **** lol its a way of having her cake and eating it , also yes the door is open but only so she can walk through and close it again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 9. Watch on Talking to an ex after a breakup can often feel like walking over landmines - you don't know what to say, when to say it, and what you both are to each other. (Answered), Signs A Girl Is Nervous Around You (5 Telltale Signs), Why Do Avoidants Ignore You? My ex and I broke up last week. If they want you back, this is certainly the case. Anyone got any insight they could share with me? Was messaging for an hour then I cut it off on a high. If you get a smart trainer, it simulates what its like to actually go up a hill. I said Im busy the day he requested. As a result, i got a couple of FB messages, and a few texts the latest being the night before last, asking if i was ok, that he worried about me and that if i was being silent because i thought it was for the best then he understood and didn't want to cause me grief and would remain silent. Ive sustained an injury in my foot. He dumped me but still wants me to be miserable? So thats the second big interpretation and things to look out for. I have been following the value ladder and we are already to sharing opinions and a successful compliment text that got him bringing up good old memories. So if you're a dumper, by offering your dumpee a friendship, does that in some way give the dumper security and hope that you really don't move on? How Men Feel After Breaking Up With You (& 3 Ways They Hide It He asked me out the same day, saying that we could meet in a couple of weeks (since he wont be in town before). It devalues your worth and practically rewards him for dumping you. Related post: Why does he keep me around if he doesnt want a relationship? But as I tried tk keep moving forward, looking for a new apartment, trying to figure out if I could actually stay friends with him, it became increasingly hard to maintain control over my emotions and I've had some pretty ugly meltdowns. Do Narcissists Get Over Their Exes Quickly? He has also, almost immediately started online dating, and moved VERY fast (a few weeks) from there to hooking up with someone the 2nd, if not 1st time, he met them. All right. So one of the things that I talk a lot about on the podcast, the articles, the YouTube channel, even the program is the concept of the value ladder. Two weeks later, we started texting. Essentially, as far as i am concerned he "left" me at the beginning of those 2 years and despite whatever i tried, he had no interest in leaving his computer game fantasy land for me. Maybe. And if youre able to go through that progression 9 times out of 10, if youre a female, your ex will ask for you back. Youll see him for a bit but then hell phase himself out again only to repeat the process. If you're on this site, you're looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) Some men will dump you and keep you around in case things dont work out for them in their love life. Just ask him. Usually what youre going to be looking for if theyre bringing up the past a lot is going to be romantic situations in the past. So stick to a no contact, dont meet up with him or reply to any messages for at least 30 days and maek sure in that time you are working on yourself. This guy dumped me for so suddenly. I still love him and id like to start over but what does he want? Tallblondie Follow Xper 6 Age: 31 -Guy dated me for 1 month -Kissed me ( nothing else, just pecks) -Rejected/dumped me saying he doesn't want anything -Then I told him we could not be friends because obviously there is physical attraction No love lost or anything. Do you say yes or no? When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a . My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago. 6. You'll be happy and feel "whole". To avoid that, the dumper assumes that he can avoid having to deal with your reaction by just suggesting to be friends. I feel better but i dont think im ready to see him just yet. Getting him back will be slow and I hope I do, so hanging out soon I will keep it casual but not sure if I should bring up us. Heres an example using a health-based type thing. I wouldn't wish anything bad on him at all. If you remain friends you never really move on because u hang onto this hope that thy will come back and things will be better!! I am the one to cut the conversations short most of the time, because I dont want to get too comfortable. Afaik, she already had her eyes on someone else while we were together, and I know she's kissed 2 other different guys while mildly drunk and been on a date with one of those guys. I was training for a marathon. Answer (1 of 10): Either because they don't know to deal with a total split (ie. We are really close and he even has fridge magnets I designed and one with a picture of myself which he wants to keep up even when I asked for it back, but I dont mind him having them. And I kind of already gave the answer away a little bit earlier when explaining the interpretations, but were finding that a huge reason or a huge motivation for why your ex-boyfriend will want to hang out with you after the breakup is the grass is greener effect. Glantz's story is a common one in today's dating landscape. It doesnt work out because ultimately your ex-boyfriend is looking for some time type of need to get met.